Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
