you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How does one acquire holy water?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
