Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize