they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
