some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
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