Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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