i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
