New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
