Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
