Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
In America we eat man semen.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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