i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
