Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
