Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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