i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
