At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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