The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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