it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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