I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
