I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
