You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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