And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
