I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize