the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think my fart just growled at me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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