i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
