Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
