the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
one might say we're banned from that church
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
