I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
