How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
