New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
