ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
