maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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