I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
