Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
zippers are such a cool invention
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
