I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
