A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize