it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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