i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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