Ambien. No doubt about it.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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