Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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