Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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