Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize