you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
