Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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