Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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