If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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