Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
