So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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