My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize