I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
