Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize