I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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