so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
be right there i have to get my cape
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
