summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize