I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
