I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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