I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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