I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
