I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
