Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
