Will you blow on my dice?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
