Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
