final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
what day is it and did you see me today?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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