Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
