hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
