Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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