btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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