you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
