yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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